My experience with chakra reading cards has been eye-opening. Not only have I pulled cards on myself that have been insightful, but some of my close friends have asked if I could pull cards for them and the results have been a little eerie due to the accuracies. I should be excited the readings have been accurate, it means I’m on the right path, but I quickly began to doubt myself and this entire process. This made me question why I’m always so hard on myself and why I feel I won’t succeed regardless of how accurate a reading turns out.
After a long night of not being able to sleep, I decided to write about a card I had pulled for myself earlier in the day. The Inner Child. Pulling that card made perfect sense considering the experiences in my childhood that forced me to grow up at such a young age.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who believes we all have internal wounds that have not properly healed. Some would rather let the past stay buried without addressing it, while others struggle in their day to day lives because the years-old wounds still feel fresh. Unfortunately, I am guilty of the latter and the former. With that being acknowledged, I am trying the best I can to heal said wounds so the inner child within can begin to heal, too.
First, I began to ask myself, “how can I heal my inner child?” I sat with the question for a moment and closed my eyes. Suddenly I imagined my current self sitting across from my younger self. I was upset when I remembered that little girl. She was so innocent and happy, always wanting
Credit: Diona Leigh
to have fun, a joyful child, that is until things came tumbling down. It made me realize how much pain I was enduring this entire time. I had a lot more healing to do than I realized. Even now as I am typing this, my heart is breaking for the girl that I once was.
After meditating and reflecting on how I could heal my inner child, another question came to mind, “Before healing my inner child, what is it exactly that needs healing?” Then the answers began to flow in the form of a letter:
To my inner child,
Regardless of your father not being a constant presence in your life, he still loved you until the day he died. He didn’t know how to be a father due to the absence of his father in his life and his personal struggles he had to endure. You may not get the chance to ask him certain questions you want answers to or get some sort of ‘closure’, but at the end of the day, he was the one that lost out. Not you. That is something he has to deal with on the other side until you’re able to see one another again.
Don’t be afraid to love people. Not every relationship is painful, not every relationship is doomed from the start. What you saw in your young life, that was not love. You will know what real love is, believe me.
No matter what, your family loves you, but you have to understand they come from a different time and place in the world. They might bring you down about your appearance sometimes because that’s what happened to them and they didn’t know how to break that cycle. They are stuck in their ways and sometimes people don’t think they need to change. They want to help and protect you, but they are making you co-dependent, not independent. Their hearts are in the right place, but they don’t go about it the right way. You can break the toxic cycles in your family. You just have to keep your eyes open and be aware of what that is to avoid it.
You need to learn to embrace how different you are. You are black. You are Latina. There will be some people who are black who won’t think you are black enough and not accept you, there will be some Latino’s/Latina’s who will think you aren’t “Spanish” enough and not accept you, there will be some white people who want you as their “token” friend or dislike you because that’s how they were raised. Embrace the fact you are bilingual. That is a gift many people wish they had. So what if the “fluent” speakers think you sound like a “gringa” while you’re speaking Spanish. If they understood you, what’s the problem? Also, there will be days you have what some people define as “good” hair, other days you will ignore the fact that brushes, combs, and products were invented. Your hair is no one’s business but your own.
You can like all types of music regardless of your skin color. Do you want to listen to hip-hop? That’s fine. Do you want to listen to Pop? Salsa? Bachata? Rock? Heavy metal? Classical? Jazz? You can like/listen to whatever you want to. Plus, you might even teach someone a thing or two about something they never knew existed because of your interests in so many different things. It makes you less boring than the rest.
It’s okay to like girls AND boys. Even before you knew what relationships were, you liked them both. You would watch Janet Jackson on MTV and be completely smitten by everything about her, then you felt the same way when an Aerosmith video came on and Joe Perry was on that guitar (very unique taste, to say the least). You felt the same way for them both. Even though you were raised to think that wasn’t “a lifestyle” for you and it forced you to hate yourself for having those natural feelings, I’m telling you that it is okay. You can love who you want to love, as long as they treat you the way you deserve and you remain the good person you are. Live your life the way you like, while minding your own business. Don’t worry about what other people are thinking or saying, they are irrelevant. Make sure you don’t forget to love yourself. And love others, no matter how similar or different they are to you.
Love God. Don’t forget that God loves you. He knows what your heart says when you can’t find the right words. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
It might take you a while to understand all of this, but you will get it. Your heart, your mind, and your soul will heal once you accept what I’m telling you. You will go through very rough patches and things will seem dark for a while, but there’s always a light, there’s always a way out. There still is.
Writing this (incomplete) letter to my inner child helped me truly comprehend that some things happened in life to get me to where I am today. I have known that for some time now, but today is the first day I feel the power of that truth. There are still things I need to accomplish this healing process, but this is the step in the right direction.