My Spiritual Awakening: Realizations and Continued Struggles

(Before you read: This is just one of many posts I will be making regarding this topic. This was more of an introduction post than anything else. My apologies if I word vomit in this post, I just needed to write this down and publish it or I would have continued to put it off.)

I shuffled my new, large deck of chakra reading cards in my hands as I inhaled a deep

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Credit: Diona Leigh

breath, asking what it is I should write about. I shuffled the cards until I felt it was time to stop, then pulled a “Spiritual Awakening” card. I wasn’t sure how to write about it so I figured I would write what came to heart. Before I begin, I am not an expert in any of this. I have no idea what it is I could call myself, but the point is I’m feeling more myself the more I accept this part of my life.  When I do it is with good intentions. There will be people in life that do not believe in any of this, while others throw themselves into the point of no return. As for me, I’m staying in my lane, doing what I need to do for myself and my improvement. I’m not here to make people believe me, I’m solely sharing my experiences.

 

As a child, before double digits, I would overhear my family members talking about tarot, psychics, spirits, and all of that relating to the supernatural. There was one conversation I overheard a psychic telling my family members that I have a special gift. After that, I get a talk about how I could have gifts when I get older and how these so-called gifts run in our family. It was confusing at first because I didn’t exactly comprehend what was being said, but as I got older, things began to make sense.

There were moments I would feel myself becoming too emotional, so, to cope, I would shut off my emotions altogether. It turns out I pick up on others’ feelings, then I feel what they feel (as well as my feelings) and it would bring me down. There were also dreams I would have growing up where they would make no sense and leave me confused. Now that I am older and able to analyze/reflect on my dreams, they appear to have themes and messages within the chaos. Another thing was my gut feeling. Whenever I had a strong gut feeling, I was always told by family to listen to it. When I did, I avoided awful things such as run-ins with LEO’s when my friends were up to no good or accidents happened that could have been worse than bumps and bruises.

Later on in life, I found out my aunt did things like Candle Magic and could see things that others couldn’t, and my great-great-grandmother was able to read shells and read smoke from a cigar.

I wanted no part in any of these things. It made me feel like a freak for even knowing about these things and I still feel that way at times. It sounds completely ridiculous, but I guess that’s what happens when things are too complicated to understand. Being the person that I am, I prefer when things make sense. But, I have come to realize as more time passes and the harder I fight it, the worse I feel in every way. Lately, I have been more accepting of it and I have been feeling more at ease and more balanced

Credit: Hans Vivek

With that being said, this doesn’t mean I believe or worship a devil or other gods. If others do, that is their prerogative. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, and I believe that our ancestors and spirit guides play a role in our lives with the help of the higher-ups (haha).

One of the main reasons I had issues with accepting these things was due to Catholic school and reading the bible, and being taught these things so-called gifts were against God. Now that I’m older and have reflected a lot on the matter, I’ve come to the conclusion to stick with my instincts and have a relationship with God that works for me and my spirit in this life journey. I shouldn’t worry about what others are thinking or saying because it shouldn’t matter. What matters is what I do in my life, what type of person I am in this world and how I can use what gifts I have to help find healing in life, whether it be someone else’s life or my own.

 

 

2 thoughts on “My Spiritual Awakening: Realizations and Continued Struggles

  1. I am so glad you found my post because it lead me here, I undertand being brought up in a Catholic environment (it was pushed onto me my whole childhood) and I awlays hid a part of me. It’s reassuring to know that there are others like this. I wish you all the best on your journey, enjoy your day!

    Liked by 1 person

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